New Year’s Resolutions That Work

By LeslieBeth Wish, Ed.D, MSS

Introduction

It’s holiday time of year again when thoughts turn to shopping, giving, partying and—yes—making New Years’ resolutions. Even if a person doesn’t want to make them, reminders about resolutions are on the Internet, talk shows, the news and magazines. Unfortunately, these reminders highlight last year’s broken promises and the reality of breaking the same or new ones this coming year.

Many people avoid making them and secretly are ashamed of their previous failure. Jeanie, a teacher, summed up the feelings perfectly: “It’s like starting the New Year already defeated.”

The following guide to making resolutions that work can’t guarantee success, but it can lay the groundwork for changing old habits.

Start Small

One of the major problems with resolutions is that the freshness of the New Year often propels people to think too big. It’s easy to get swept up into the appeal of a clean slate and make big promises to change old habits such as quitting cigarettes or waking up earlier.

Janet, a free-lance writer, got caught up in false hopes by vowing to wake up before six-thirty every morning. By the third day, she had broken her promise twice. A wiser plan would have been to go to bed earlier once a week, plan to wake up earlier the next morning and then add more days slowly a week at a time.

Don’t take on too many resolutions at once. Janet thought she could both wake up earlier and then run two miles.

Expect the Inevitable Discomfort and Anxiety That Accompany Change

One of the mixed blessings about being human is the ability to manage pain, insecurities, anxieties and other problems through behaviors that work well enough. For example, eating may not be the best way to soothe feelings, but it works well enough so that giving up old eating habits then becomes at least as difficult as continuing to eat unwisely.

In general, behaviors that are biologically-based are the most troublesome to modify. These behaviors include actions that involve anger and aggression and all the pleasure-inducing activities such as sex, gambling, drinking, eating and shopping. Not surprisingly, because people are prone to excesses in these areas, promises to change these tendencies make up the bulk of New Years resolutions.

It takes tremendous will power to alter disheartening habits. As a result, many people fool themselves into thinking that the beginning of a New Year is a potent enough motivator. Such hopes result in global and bittersweet resolutions that are doomed to fail. A typical list of these resolutions includes:

• I promise not to hide my purchases from my husband.
• I promise not to eat candy and junk food while driving alone.
• I promise to fit into my high school clothes.
• I promise not to get upset any more with my pet, family and colleagues.
• I promise not to be sexually turned on by looking at other people.
• I promise not to lie to my partner—at least not big lies.
• I promise not to fudge my work at my job—at least not big fudges.
• I promise to stop cheating on my partner.
• I promise not to lie about dents in the car.
• I promise not to carry a balance on my credit card.
• I promise not to buy things I don’t really need—whatever that means.

Making resolutions that address these issues, however, is often the most important decision. Aim small for big results. For example, a resolution that addresses secret spending might be to designate one credit card or checking card for the home budget that includes a set limit on fun purchases.

Don’t Make Promises Without Preparing for Them

Usually, each New Year begins with the same or similar resolutions as the year before. Even if the resolutions are realistic or new, failure can still happen because people do not examine themselves and their past attempts with other promises adequately.

Honest shoring up alerts people to their past patterns of thoughts and actions. Tom, a middle school teacher, would flop on the couch as soon as he came home from work. He convinced himself he needed to rest before visiting his two sons on the other side of town. Too often, however, he fell asleep and awoke after dinner. A better plan was to bring casual clothes with him to wear after work and then drive directly to see his sons. He also soon learned to plan activities with them ahead of time.

More importantly, start or renew your New Years resolutions several times throughout the year. Key occasions include at the beginning of each season, on birthdays, half-birthdays or anniversaries. This approach is not a gimmick. It gives people repeated trials of re-training brain wiring to accept new behaviors.

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