By Ms. Sandy Yakim of Morgantown, West Virginia

People begin gambling for different reasons. Perhaps the most common reason is for the entertainment aspect. Many of us who have developed an addiction started just that way. But then for different reasons the entertainment value goes astray, and in my case gambling became a distraction and a way to hide, relax and numb myself to the challenges of everyday life.

I had a great childhood. I grew up here in Morgantown, West Virginia, and after my family moved on, I stayed here to teach school and raise my daughter Erin. Being a West Virginia teacher (where the salaries are low) , I have always had to watch my finances and work extra jobs to get my daughter through college and have a little extra money.

First Experience Gambling

I had never gambled …ever, until I took a trip to Reno, Nevada with my mom to visit my aunt and uncle. They live in Reno, and part of their entertainment is to go to the local Peppermill Hotel Casino and gamble. This was about four years ago. I saved a little money to play and that was all I spent.

Then over the next few years I would visit Atlantic City on the way to my sister Nancy’s in Cape Cod, or stop off at Foxwood Resort Casino in Connecticut, once, for an hour to check it out.

Family Issues

Somewhere in the midst of these years my step-dad died of cancer and my father died suddenly. I helped the family out in both situations by helping plan the funerals and speaking at the services.

Over the next few years my mom had a broken leg, a blocked artery, gall bladder surgery, and a perforated hernia. As a relaxation activity from school and running up and down the road to Charleston, West Virginia, I walked into one of the little casinos here in Morgantown. It wasn’t hard; it was over on University Avenue as are many, many other little gambling spots.  Video poker machines started appearing up in 2000 and can now be found in 99 local establishments.

I started on the weekends after returning from my mom’s, and would just play for an hour and go home, always limiting the amount of money I spent to $20 to $40. Then I started stopping in during the spring of 2004 after school and on the weekends. I would drive around and visit some of the other places here in Morgantown and Westover, West Virginia.

The Big Fall

My big fall into the pit came with the onset of summer 2004. I started out by visiting some of the local places each day. I actually took a class that lasted a week in the middle of all of this, and at that point at least I would like to say that the gambling didn’t interfere with my school responsibilities. I kept it as an after school and weekend activity.

I started playing for fun, a chance to relax, and visit with new people who had similar interests. We discussed wins and losses, family, travel, our health. Everything! It was so much fun. But soon I was out of control.
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New on HelpStartsHere.org - A Celebration of African American  Social Workers who tell us why they joined the profession and what they believe are the greatest challenges in the African American community.

Also on HelpStartsHere…

Profiles of Native American Social Workers

Profiles of Hispanic Social Workers

Note: All names have been changed to protect confidentiality.

By L.B. (LeslieBeth) Wish, Ed.D, MSS

Introduction

Sally had been a soldier’s wife for all twelve years of their marriage. She endured separations while her husband, Tom, was called to duty, and she toughed out raising twin boys alone. Sally said Tom loved her because, in his words, she was a “team player.” But ever since Sally learned that Tom was killed in a roadside bomb in Iraq, Sally doubts whether she can be a team of one. “I’m really not that strong,” Sally said. “It’s just a good act.”

When Rolanda was shot out of her helicopter, her husband Ray said he had no choice but to “pull himself together.” He had to focus on his job and raising his stepdaughter. “I only cry at night, and then only for a second or two. We were practically newlyweds. I don’t even know what I’ll be missing.”

“At least the kids are grown.” It was the first thing that came to Linda’s mind when she heard that her husband was killed in an ambush. But the relief was short—depression set in, and Linda felt “ashamed” for falling apart.

These stories provide a glimpse into the plight of many of the American families of downed warriors in Iraq. Each family’s grief is unique, but most share issues that are familiar to mental health professionals–adjustment, loss, grief, and anger.

Some families rely on friends, the Armed Forces community, and supportive family for help. But one of the issues that many (certainly not all) of these families also share is their reluctance to use the mental health services available to them.

Why? What makes providing counseling to these families so different from non-military families in mourning? And how can mental health professionals serve these families’ needs?

Let’s start with learning a little more about some of these families. Bear in mind, that there are many reactions to the loss of a family member and that not all families of downed warriors react the same. Yet, a constellation of beliefs, fears and adjustment issues does exist amongst many of these families, and it is important to become familiar with them.

Current Issues of Some American Military Families

At first, it seems that the most common issues of military families do not differ from the problems of families not in the military. People are people, as some say. After all, humans share common problems. Yet, military families often add elements to these issues that are unique to them.

Fear of Being “Found Out”

Many families worry about being seen in counselors’ halls and waiting rooms and about being judged and “found out.” They also worry about confidentiality. They believe that no matter what the organization, if it’s affiliated with the armed forces, it will keep records that could easily be shared with other branches and departments.

Non-military families may have similar feelings, but military families carry with them an extra dose of shame of being “found flawed.” They also say they “have had it” with the power of military and government rules. They long for privacy, and they have far higher doubts that their insurance can protect them.
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Mary Lee Carroll, LCSW Los niños Jonathan tenía seis años cuando murió en 1988. La trabajadora social Mary Lee Carroll, LCSW lo acompañó como voluntaria de hospice. El trabajo que ella hizo con él, y su espíritu inspiraron a la Sra. Carroll a desarrollar un programa de duelo pediátrico para un hospice en Conneticut. En 1994, el Júnior League de Waterbury hizo un donativo a la organización para patrocinar el Campamento Jonathan. En 1999 el Campamento Jonathan fue incorporado y ya no depende de ninguna organización. El Campamento apoya a las necesidades de las personas en duelo de Conneticut en la región de Watertown. Cada verano, el Campamento Jonathan patrocina un campamento diurno de una semana para niños que están en proceso de duelo por la muerte de una persona significativa en sus vidas. A continuación ofrecemos una lista de comentarios acerca del duelo y de tener una pena hechos por los niños que asistieron al programa de apoyo de una semana en julio del 2005. La pena es… Dura y pesada Triste Enojo y locura Única Vacío Soledad No es divertida, es guácala Confusión Dolorosa Difícil Mala No me deja concentrarme Siento mi corazón hecho pedacitos Difícil Muy triste y depresiva Nada divertida Algo que te quita mucho tiempo Como orillas sin limar Te deja con los nervios de punta Como usar ropa que te queda chica Agotadora Abatimiento Como si estuvieras en otra dimensión Amarga Cruel, malo, gacho Algo malo Algo que te fortalece Algo que nunca olvidarás Un hoyo negro Algo que les sucede a todos Muy triste y asusta Perder algo que querías Como tratar de correr con zapatos que te quedan grandes Enfrentar tus miedos Una carga que es pesada al inicio y que luego se aligera Como un incendio forestal De entrada acaba con todo. Pero luego todo empieza a crecer de nuevo de manera gradual y constante, con algunos topes. Pero: Algunas vidas ya se acabaron Puede que ya no encuentres la luz, pero depende de qué tan bien puedes ver en la oscuridad. Usar todo el día unos tenis que te quedan apretados. Cuando hace mucho calor y estás incómodo. Cuando usas shorts y hace mucho frío. La oscuridad cuando no tienes una linternita, y le tienes miedo. Cansada y frustrante Depresiva. De lo peor Además del apoyo que se da a niños y jóvenes durante una semana experiencial en el verano; el Campamento Jonathan ofrece grupos de apoyo durante todo el año para niños y padres, y sólo para niños y jóvenes. En noviembre de cada año, la organización también lleva a cabo un retiro para mujeres en duelo. El Campamento Jonathan, dirigido por un equipo de orientadores pediátricos en duelo, terapeutas y voluntarios entrenados, ofrece apoyo terapéutico individual o en grupo tanto a niños como a adultos en duelo. Los orientadores utilizan terapias creativas para contactar las emociones, como terapias de movimiento, arte, poesía y psicodrama para procesar el duelo y enfrentarlo de manera más exitosa. Hay otros programas disponibles en el país parecidos al Campamento Jonathan y, a menudo, son gratis para familias como la de ustedes. Si sabe usted de un Campamento así y lo recomendaría, por favor contáctenos a la siguiente dirección de correo electrónico: info@childrenshospice.org. Estamos haciendo una lista de Campamentos para que las familias puedan elegir entre ellos y la publicaremos en esta página de Internet. ### Traducción español examinada por Maribel Quiala, MSW, LCSW, miembro del Comité NASW Nacional sobre los Asuntos de la Mujer (MCOWI).

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this article are those of the writer, and do not necessarily reflect those of the National Association of Social Workers or its members.